August 31st, 2011

I cannot believe what I’m about to say but here goes: I am so grateful that summer is almost over. I am sick to death of hearing employees offer up unsolicited opinions on the attire of their fellow employees as they walk by.

This is a yearly obsession corporate America falls prey to when Memorial Day rolls around and companies roll out the ‘casual’ dress code for the next 90 days.

While this is supposed to be a perk to ‘relax the dress code’ it tends to turn into a royal bitching session as coworkers debate the difference between sandals and flip flops; Capri and crop pants; sleeveless tops and tank tops.

Most companies policies state, “Flip flops are not allowed.”

What exactly qualifies as a flip flop? I’ve heard so many arguments over the years from team members trying to justify their footwear:

“But I wouldn’t wear these on the beach.”

“They are leather!”

“They have gold spangles and iridescent beads! They aren’t flip flops.”

“I wouldn’t wear these in the water. They have a velvet rose on them!”

“Flip flops are those $2.50 cheap things you wore after gym class in the shower to keep from getting athletes foot.”

“I spent $100 for these sandals! They are Birkenstocks!”

I have looked down my nose at all of these excuses. “Look,” I say. “A thong is a thong is a thong.”

They stare back at me, aghast. They look at me as if I’ve just questioned their choice in undergarments.

Good Heavens! They do think I’m questioning their undergarments!

Am I the only person that knows that a thong was a shoe long before it was dental floss worn by (most) people who should never wear them?? Particularly if said dental floss is dark navy under white pants…..but I digress. I will NOT mention cottage cheese thighs…..

I’m also sick of the “Those aren’t crop pants. Those are Capri’s.” argument.

Some dress codes state that cropped pants must not allow more than 4 inches of leg to show. Why not? Skirts can be knee length. Why can’t pants stop at the knees?

“Because we don’t allow Capri’s.”

Oi vey. Are you kidding me?

I’m suddenly having flashbacks to being twelve years old, knees cracking as they hit blocks of alternating black and tan linoleum tile, knee to knee with my fellow student, rulers placed up against my legs.

Oh wait. I never went to parochial school….must have been a movie! LOL.

Another personal favorite: sleeveless vs tank tops, or taken to an even greater extreme: spaghetti strap tops. Again: are we to get a ruler out here? How much of the shoulder can or cannot be showing?

How could someone mix up ‘sleeveless’ with ’spaghetti strap’? And more importantly why am I the person who has to explain that, “Uhm….just because there are multiple straps covering a very narrow portion of your shoulder, I still should NOT be able to see your lime green bra strap……”

On the other hand, there have been times that I’ve had to coach women about the necessity of wearing a bra. That would be a story for another time….and once again, in case you caught my last post, “Maine-ly Disappointed” this was another chick that had no business not wearing a bra.

But back to my original premise, I’ll be glad when Labor Day is here and we can all go back to wearing clothes that don’t have to be measured, shoes that aren’t mistaken for underwear and tops that also masquerade as food staples.

Frankly, I find the entire ‘summer dress code’ a flop!